So they say we live in a patriarchy, in plain English = fathers/men rule. In some countries they are said to do that to a lesser in others to a greater extent. I don’t need to go through the whole list of the 76 countries in which it is considered a crime to reject a relationship with a woman in favor of a man to know that these are countries which are considered strongly ‘patriarchal’. Apparently the men make the rules. And so men have made this rule that a man who prefers to be with another men instead of a woman should not only be a social outcast but live in fear of punishment. Accordingly men prefer every man around them to be wanting a relationship with a woman. We have all heard that men like competition. Thus it would make sense to have many rivals when trying to establish a relationship with the lady of his dreams. Considering that DNA analysis has recently found out that humanity’s ancestors were 67% female and 33% male (Baumeister, Roy F.) the odds for winning her heart or any woman’s heart seem already quite heavily stacked against the guy. Would reducing his competition not have been a relief for him and if he was the one making the rules shouldn’t he have encouraged male homosexuality? The vast majority of women during human history found a partner and had children, the vast majority of men did not. Would it thus not make sense that men would be more than happy to see some men leave the party with each other and thus increase their chances of getting the lady exponentially?
While you ponder the question look at the situation from the women’s point of view. When it wasn’t all about butterflies in your tummy and the state wouldn’t support you if you were in need women had to find a man who would stick around to support them and their children. So they were looking for the best quality male. As DNA has shown women did not face such high competition from other women as men did from other men. So, not such high motivation for social exclusion and punishment for women who preferred to pair off with other women instead of other men. Lesbians have been sometimes more sometimes less stigmatized during history but no death penalty ever. But obviously the last thing women needed was a shrunken pool of men to chose from. When we want to buy something good from the market we go in the morning when we still have huge choice and not when the tables are almost empty. Women had a great motivation to keep men from pairing off with each other. Men had no motivation to prevent the shrinking of the number of their rivals. The rules with regard to homosexuality were / are tailored around the woman’s needs.
And yet we keep saying that homophobia originates with straight men. According to Feminists straight men have an aversion to gay men because of their femininity, because men in general reject the feminine. The latter might come as a surprise to any straight man who tends to be quite fond of the feminine and has during the course of history risked everything to win a woman’s heart. The point of femininity in gay men is also quite odd as most gay men do not correspond to the stereotype. They look and behave pretty much like all men. They only prefer male over female partners. Otherwise they are as male as everyone else. When the death penalty was introduced for homosexuality in Uganda I saw quite a number of Ugandan women comment that if men were allowed to have a relationship with each other there would not be enough men left for women. That seemed quite an odd thought to me. While I am good friends with gay men, the idea of having a romantic relationship with a man does not desire me physically seemed quite absurd to me. A relationship/marriage is after all different from a friendship. But putting high value on a close emotional bond with your partner is a luxury that women in the past and in many countries still today cannot afford. Without paid paternity leave and health insurance a woman needs a man who will protect her and provide for her and their children. Whether he seems particularly cheerful when her brother is around is of no concern to her as long as long as looks aren’t followed by moves.
Keep telling me about patriarchy and how men rules when the rules are cut out to suit women’s needs!